


Cooking

by PandoraTheExplorer



Series: Month of Drabbles Challenge 2018 [10]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Humor, jane is the only one out of the four of them who learned how to cook
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-07-15 08:26:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16059308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PandoraTheExplorer/pseuds/PandoraTheExplorer
Summary: Jane’s adventures in exploring her friend’s cooking styles.





	Cooking

**Author's Note:**

> Day 12 of my 2018 Month of Drabbles Challenge.

Jane Crocker considered herself a good cook. In fact, she considered herself one of the best cooks of her age. After all, what heiress to a world famous baking brand didn’t pick up a few tricks at a stove?

She was used to eating disappointing food outside of home. On the off chance that she would eat a meal at a schoolmate’s house, the food would always be bland and tasteless compared to anything she or her dad could make. The food at school was no better. Anyway, Jane Crocker lived life with an understanding that very few people live in the world who could cook better than she, and that she should judge food cooked by regular people by the standards of regular people.

Then she met her three best friends in the world.

~

On the first night that Jane and her friends entered Sburb, Jake had suggested that everyone stay in his house for the night. Jane readily agreed. After all, she was still reeling from being pulled across an ocean by Dirk and Roxy on a flying skateboard. And it wasn’t every day that she could meet the three people she’d been friends with for years for the first time.

Around three hours after the game started, Jake offered to make dinner. Jane watched him start a fire with wood he’d stored away on his sylladex and roast some kind of meat on the fire. She asked him what kind of meat it was. Jake shrugged and said he had no idea.

Dirk and Roxy devoured their share of mystery meat with such fervor that Jane wondered if either of them had ever had a proper meal before in their lives. She looked down at her own meal. It smelled weird.

“Is the flavor too bland?” Jake asked, holding up a cup. “I can put some more seawater on it if you want.”  
Jane decided she wasn’t hungry anymore.

~

A few weeks later, Jane and the others were sitting in Dirk’s living room, talking about things that weren’t important and enjoying each other’s company. Dirk pointed out that he was getting hungry and Jane and the others agreed. Dirk offered to make everyone lunch.

Jane got up and grabbed Dirk’s arm. He and Roxy have been steadily gaining weight over the past few weeks courtesy of Jane’s impulse to cook for everyone. She could barely fit her hand around his bicep now.

“Do you want me to help?” she asked.

“No, it’s fine,” said Dirk, “You always cook. I can handle it. Just sit back and relax.”

Fifteen minutes later Jane smelled the familiar scent of burnt fat and bolted to Dirk’s kitchen and found him calmly watching a pot that had been set on fire. He told her to relax and that it was part of the cooking process.

After he had smothered the fire, Jane could see that Dirk was cooking fish. Dirk gave everyone a serving of charred fish that Jane was sure wouldn’t be filling even if it were edible.

“Dirk, thish ish great!” Roxy said, her mouth full of burnt ash, “I lov the cronch!” beside her, Jake grinned sheepishly and scooped a spoonful of his own fish dust into his mouth. Jane looked down at her own burnt mess that Dirk had called “lunch.”

Jane decided she wasn’t hungry anymore.

~

Dirk and Jake had been hanging out more and more recently. Jane didn’t mind spending more time with Roxy-she loved it, in fact-but she also couldn’t help the pangs of jealousy whenever she thought about what Jake was doing.

But that didn’t matter today. Today she was lying on Roxy’s couch, petting the soft fur of one of Roxy’s mutant cats. Roxy was sprawled on the floor beside her with three other cats lying on her chest. They murmured nonsense directed at the cats and wonderings about the Batterwitch and their future to each other. Jane didn’t realize how much time they spent like this until her stomach began to rumble.

Roxy gently shooed the cats off of her chest and stood up. “I’ll get us something to eat,” she said.

“Do you want me to help you cook?” Jane asked as Roxy descended to her basement.

“You don’t have to!” Roxy called, “I have plenty of food ready to go!”

“What do you have?” Jane asked. She was afraid of what the answer might be.

Roxy returned, her arm wrapped around a pumpkin the size of her head. “This!” she said proudly, holding out the orange gourd.

Jane clapped her hands together. “That’s great!” she said, “I know so many recipes for pumpkins. Do you want something sweet of savory? We can make pie or soup or-“

Roxy cut her off with a laugh. “What are you talking about, Janey?”

“Aren’t we going to cook the pumpkin somehow?”

Roxy frowned. “Oh, no, Janey,” she said, “That takes way too much time.”

“How do you eat the pumpkin then, if you’re not going to cook it?”

It was then that Roxy stared at Jane in a way that Jane thought was probably supposed to be meaningful…somehow. Slowly, Roxy turned her head and took a huge bite out of the whole, raw, and unwashed pumpkin.

It was at that point that Jane decided that none of her friends should ever set foot in the kitchen again.

**Author's Note:**

> Jake grew up on an island, Roxy lived off of pumpkins her whole life, and Dirk is such a disaster that he wouldn't know how to cook even if he grew up in a modern setting. Jane is literally the only reason they didn't all die of food poisoning during their session.


End file.
